Sorry for the slight delay

No matter how hard I try to avoid it, it seems as though I always end up getting the 08:22 train from Putney to Waterloo (though I bail after two stops, at Clapham Junction) in the mornings. I strongly dislike this train! It’s always super-duper crowded, mainly because of the huge time lag between it and the train before it (08:13).

Getting on and off is a nightmare – you can’t really move of your own accord, but instead you just have to accept where the crowd is going to carry you. I remember one time being jammed in there so tight, that I could feel six different people touching me. Eeewww!

This morning was no exception – both Kristy and I were on the train of death, and it was just as crowded as ever. We got about half-way to Wandsworth Town station, then the train stopped.

Nothing happened.

After about five minutes, the guard came on and said, “Sorry for the slight delay passengers, we’re being held here because a passenger has been taken ill on a train ahead of us. We should be moving shortly.” A likely story! I’ve fallen for those promises before!

I was jammed between a guy who needed a shave and the door – though not quite as bad as Kristy, who was only inches away from a Chinese hair flicker! Predictably, the five minutes soon turned to 10, which then turned to 20… and finally, 26 uncomfortable minutes later (yes, I was timing!) the guard came on the speaker again.

“Sorry again for this slight delay passengers, but we should be moving shortly. If you have any questions, please feel free to come down and see me – I’m in the middle carriage of the train.”

Now I have two problems with this statement:

1. 26 minutes in a sardine can does not constitute a “slight” delay!
2. How on earth did he expect anyone to just breeze down the train for a visit? No-one could move!

Just once, when a train stops unexpectedly, I’d love to hear the guard come on within one minute, and just be honest! “Sorry for the delay passengers, we’re being held at a red signal, but I’m not sure why, or how much longer we’ll be here for. I’ll try to get an update from the dispatcher, and get back to you shortly.”

Would that be so hard?! Grrrr!!