It seems, at times, that I have a rather odd job. Some of you may recall my failed attempt at driving a bendy bus in 2008. My equally odd highlight of 2009 was making a guest appearance at Kensington Palace!

I’d been having a series of meetings with a group of potential funders, when they asked me to come and present to their head honchos. Sure, I said! Where, I said? Kensington Palace, they said! (which made me wonder, just how ‘head’ are these head honchos?)

I admitted feeling a little intimidated by the invitation, only to be told that my presentation would be held in the very room that Queen Victoria was born in. I’m not sure how that was supposed to influence my mood, but it was followed with swift reassurances that the room ‘had been cleaned since then’… oh-kay…?

The meeting went very well. I noticed that I was the only person at the table obsessively using my notebook as a coaster so as not to leave rings on the Queen’s furniture (I can hear it now, ‘we are not amused’). The crowd was friendly, and they all spoke wonderful Queen’s English as one would expect.

By the time the meeting ended the Palace and gardens were closed to the public. A very sweet gentleman escorted me out, through security corridors and into the courtyard of apartments currently occupied by royals. It felt quite surreal, passing the security checkpoint and being spat out back into reality on Kensington High Street. It was a very brief brush with fame indeed.

Back in November, Ariella invited us to see a David Sedaris radio show being recorded at the BBC Radio Theatre near Oxford Circus. I’d never heard of Sedaris, but the idea of seeing a radio show recorded sounded like fun. Plus, it was free and so were we.

It was brilliant! Having no idea what to expect, I was blown away by how laugh out loud funny this guy is. He retells stories from his life, capturing the absurdity of moments that a less observant person may not even stop to take in. His delivery is beautifully understated, so you feel as though you’re laughing voluntarily instead of being forced into it.

There are a few quirks about the filming of a radio show though. You feel self conscious about your laughter. Is it loud enough that the overhead microphones will pick up just how much we’re all enjoying this? Oops, was that particular laugh of mine too loud or out of step with everyone elses so that I’ll actually recognise it if I hear this played back on the radio one day?

On the rare occasions that David stumbled over a word, he’d pause for a split second then resume delivery at the last comma or full stop before his error – a bit like listening to a record that keeps jumping back and repeating itself. Then at the end of the night, a dude emerged from the sound booth and handed David a list of sections to reread because they hand’t come through clearly the first time. It’s weird listening to those portions read back, devoid of context, and hearing him deliver it as though perfectly he’s the moment and emotion of that point in the story. And being told to laugh as you did the first time around was a challenge: how did I laugh at that particular line? I think I got it wrong, so hopefully the others covered for me.

Gerrod then cleverly bought me one of Sedaris’ books for Christmas, titled Me talk pretty one day. It’s named after one of the short stories within, about how students of a second language completely fail to grasp grammar and throw their newfound vocabulary all togeher in a jumble.

I’ve now finished it, after lots of bursts of laughter on the tube, and intend to share it around. It’s too funny to leave on the shelf for long. Check our his work at http://www.thisamericanlife.org/ which features podcasts from Sedaris along with other segments of good old fashioned story telling.

He’s playing at the Tivoli this Friday night if anybody in Brisbane is interested, then Sydney on Saturday and Melbourne on Monday.

In the lead up to Christmas, Shannon and I were talking about English Christmas traditions and wondering how many of them we could squeeze into December. Carols at Royal Albert Hall, outdoor ice-skating, markets, mulled wine and … pantomime. Now pantomime is something I know so little about that when colleagues talk about it I’ve learned to nod and smile. This after embarrassingly referring to the ‘dame’ character as a woman, only to be corrected that the ‘dame’ was always a man in drag. Du-uh (apparently everybody knows that.) After that, I called them ‘pantos’ for short to avoid further correction, since I wasn’t sure if it was a pantomiMe or a pantomiNe.

So, time to overcome my ignorance and sign up. It’s theatre, in one of the world’s culture capitals, so how bad could it be?

We started looking into shows, and therein lay another lesson. They’re performed at Christmas but they’re not about Christmas. We went to the Shaw Theatre to see Aladdin. Which was set in China. And starred a very large dame called Widow Twanky who looked like he was on day release from prison. Hmmm.

During the course of the performance, we were squirted with water pistols, forced to yell out and then yell out louder (I can’t hear you!), tell a character called Wishy Washy Wishy that ‘we all think you’re dishy’, boo the villain, cheer the hero, tell several people to ‘look out behind you’, and witness a fellow audience member being welcomed into the cross-dressing fold and forced to sing and dance in a tutu.

After thinking how odd all these things were I looked up pantomimes on Wikipedia. And whaddya know, it’s all there. The cross dressing, the audience participation, the sexual innuendo, even the scene where someone was shrunk in a washing machine then stretched out by an ironing press was textbook panto. Why didn’t I do my research before I booked?

The only convention they didn’t follow was this one: the cast often throws out sweets to the children in the audience. Apparently health and safety restrictions have done away with that particular tradition.

It was an eye opening experience. I have no regrets in having tried something new, and the company was great, with Shannon (who apparently knew what this was about and didn’t warn me) splitting her attention between the stage and the increasingly baffled expression on my face.

But it could have been worse.  I could have been seeing Aladdin at the New Wimbledon Theatre. Starring none other than… Pamela Anderson.

Does this look like a happy face to you? Indeed it is! I went to the dentist, fearing the worst after not having been in two years. But it seems I’m in the clear, though I’m not sure if that’s because my teeth are ok or because the English dentist didn’t want to be too heavy handed and intervene. ‘Best to leave things to nature’, was the distinct impression I got from him.

I also recently collected these new sunnies from the optometrist. I’ve been without prescription sunglasses for a few years, thinking it would be a waste of money if I ever got up the nerve to have laser surgery. The optometrist recently told me that I wasn’t a good candidate for surgery, so I rushed out and bought these babies. I had a rather comical discussion with the dispensing dude about the type of lens I should get. He was recommending a lightweight lens over a darker finish that cut out more light. The minute I mentioned Australia, he changed his tune and decided I needed whatever sun protection he could possibly offer. He’s never been to Aus, but word of our powerful rays had seemingly made an impression on him.

I cannot overstate how excited I am to be able to see outdoors again. And how relieved I am not to need dental work. So bring on the sunny days and sugary sorbet!

What Is Your Current Obsession?
Fruit salad. Making it. Eating it. It’s probably related to my obsession with tinned lychees.

What Are You Wearing Today?
Black shirtdress. Peeptoe heels. Red rose bobby pin.

What’s for dinner?
Lamb korma, brown rice and puppodums. And drinking pink bubbles.

What Would You Eat for Your Last Meal?
Filet mignon with sweet potato chips and steamed vegies. And a valrhona chocolate pudding with a melting middle.

What’s the Last Thing You Bought?
Do groceries count? If so, olive oil. If not, registered post envelopes and coffee beans!

What Are You Listening To Right Now?
Gerrod’s little fingers typing away beside me. Portishead’s song ‘biscuit’ (G’s choice).

If you could go anywhere in the world in the next hour, where would you go?
Southern hemisphere: my bed at Mum and Dad’s. Northern hemisphere: this crazy Austrian health spa built in a mountainside. http://www.blumau.com/

What do you love most about where you currently live?
The pear cider.

What is your favourite colour?
Black… I can’t seem to wear enough of it! I figure it’s like really tanned girls looking good in white.

What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe?
An adorable cream car coat.

What were you doing ten years ago?
I was at uni and working at Big W. I was dead keen on Gerrod. And Winnie the Pooh.

If you had $300 right now what would you spend it on?
A spare $300? I’d probably put it in savings, but since that’s boring I’ll say a thai massage. My shoulders are killing me.

What are you going to do after this?
Update my shopping list, lay out clothes for pilates tomorrow, and head to bed.

What inspires you?
Possibilities. People who do the unexpected. Decide that life would be better if they lived in the country, on a boat, in a tree, whatever, then set about making it happen.

What are your favourite films?
Guess who’s coming to dinner. Love Actually.

Who’s work/designs are you inspired by?
Does this question not seem pretentious to anyone else?!

Your favourite books?
I’m with Meegs: it’s probably recipe books! Otherwise, one of my fave novels is Phantom of the Opera, and I recently enjoyed all the Phillipa Gregory books like The Other Boleyn Girl.

Do You Collect Anything?
Nope. I try not to accumulate too much stuff.

What makes you follow a blog?
Photos of my nephews! And new ideas. I like reading blogs like outblush.com and dailycandy.com for gift ideas. The puppies on dailypuppy.com are pretty hard to resist too.

What was the most enjoyable thing you did today?
I walked from Southwark to Covent Garden for a work meeting. There was bright sunshine and lovely views over St Paul’s Cathedral, Big Ben, London Eye etc.

What’s one thing you dream of doing?
Patting puppies more often!

Who’s getting tagged?

Claire, Michelle, Helen!

This has made my day. No, my week. I giggle every time I look at it.

If you’d like to purchase some Booty Pop Panties, go here: http://www.bootypoppanties.com/shop/  

I don’t get a commission, but I would get a lot of entertainment out of knowing that my friends were wearing them.

There’s a towpath near our place that’s bordered by the Thames on one side and a long line of rowing clubs on the other. It’s funny to walk along there early on weekend mornings and see everybody running around in their wellies, getting the boats ready. At the end of the towpath there’s a sign that’s always intrigued me, promising that if I go down this shady path I’ll end up in Richmond Park. Eventually.

So on Sunday Ariella and Paul came around for coffee and cupcakes then we set off together on the walk. It was unseasonably warm for London, with temps in the very high 20s, but on we trekked walking for about 2.5 hours. The walk wasn’t terribly well signed, so we stopped at many a junction to scratch our heads. A combination of iphone GPS and old-fashioned logic (“it’s called the Beverley Brook Walk, so we should probably stay next to the water”) got us there eventually. 

We reached the park in about 1.5 hours, then spent another hour walking across it. While checking out a park map we were amazed at the oddly named features: King Henry’s Mound, Spankers Hill, and Leg-of-Mutton Pond. The English are definitely odd. We finally emerged out the other side where a friendly pub and half pint of cider awaited. And boy were we thirsty!

My favourite moment of the walk was passing a family of humans relaxing in the grass, about 3 metres away from a family of deer doing exactly the same thing. And the daddy deer (known to his friends as Buck) had the biggest antlers I’ve ever seen. Meanwhile, Ariella was mocking him for having the tiniest ears on earth, but I think they just looked small by comparison.

The official walk continued out the far side of the Park and on to New Malden station, but we were tired. So we took a bus home.

And that’s the end of my story.

They say that all journeys are ‘walkable’, if you have enough time, so this week I put the theory to the test. I decided to walk home from work and used walkit.com to give me the directions. It’s a rockin website, so if it works in your city, give it a go!

I work right opposite Southwark Tube Station (south east London) and live close to Putney Rail Station (south west London). If you’re curious about the distance across London you could look it up on google maps and judge for yourselves. As far as I’m concerned though, it’s a long way.

Apparently a fast walker can do it in 1.5 hours and an average walker in 2 hours. I did it in 1 hour 50 minutes (including two minor incidents of getting lost). The majority of the time was spent walking the full length of Kings Road/New Kings Road, from Victoria, through Chelsea and all the way to Fulham. It was torturous walking past all the lovely little shops and not stopping in any of them! But my reward was stumbling through the door exhausted and finding that G had cooked dinner for me.

Vital stats are: 9.8km/6.1 miles, 514 calories, 10720 steps.

Strangely enough I’d walked about 10700 of those steps before in small segments not realising how it all fit together. Also, I tend to think that the Thames runs exactly east/west, so it was odd to cross Westminster Bridge and realise for the first time that that section of the river runs north/south.

Conclusion: the journey is walkable, but doing it once proves the point. So there’s no need to do it again in a rush, right?

We’re home, we’re safe, we’re completely exhausted. And still without symptoms of swine flu. 

More interesting holiday updates and pictures will follow.

I was cleaning out the text messages on my phone today and marvelled at some of the funny ones I found. I’m not sure what conclusions someone would draw if they found my phone and read them. Here’s a few examples, typed out in full, but I’ll keep the authors anonymous. You all know who you are!

“There is no safety in numbers. So please use all available doors.”

“I just helped a blind lady with a woofie cross the road!”

“Tiny Table Tennis is much more fun than you’d expect.”

“He lives on Drury Lane.”

“I saw you skipping ”

Go figure.