This year, Kristy and I decided that since our anniversary (7 years!) is so close to both of our birthdays, we’d get each other a present for “around the house”. No, I don’t understand the logic there either, but I’m sure I was on to something when I came up with it.

So, come October 30th, and Kristy becomes the proud owner of a brand new toaster. Yes, I gave my wife a toaster for our anniversary. She loves bread! And, it’s not just any toaster, but a fancy pants, shiny silver one, which boasts such features as an “A Bit More” button (to add a bit more time to the toasting cycle), and “Lift ‘n’ Look” (to see how things are progressing without interrupting the toasting cycle). In fact, the “Lift ‘n’ Look” feature is so revolutionary that Breville listed it on the toaster’s Tech Specs page twice! Even Breville themselves stand behind this toaster so much that they included the word “hero” in the filename of the photo which I have shamelessly pilfered without permission for my own use here!

By now, it’s inevitable that you’re burning with desire to ask the obvious question: “How does this fancy pants new toaster perform?” Well, sadly, the answer is we still don’t know! See, I ordered it from Billy Guyatts, a self-claimed online electrical superstore. I wasn’t impressed with how long the toaster took to arrive; in fact, it was positively hopeless! Over a week! How much of this is the fault of Billy Guyatts versus Australia Post I don’t know, though I suspect that order status moving from “paid” to “dispatched” was somewhat short of instantaneous.

However, that’s not my main complaint; no, far from it. Unfortunately, someone in the Billy Guyatts warehouse was having a serious case of dyslexia when they were picking my order, because instead of sending us the BTA430, they sent us the lower model (and “A Bit More” button-free) BTA340! Yes, I appreciate that both models are made up from the same letters and numbers, but that does not mean they are the same toaster!

OK, so I’m human, and I can accept that people make mistakes, so I sent Billy Guyatts an enquiry asking how they were going to remedy the situation. Suffice to say, I was underwhelmed with their response:

Hi, we apologize, we will send you a post return label through email, you need to print this label off and stick it to the item.

Then take the item to your local post office. Once we receive the item back we will then send out the replacement.

My two main problems with this are:

1. The toaster that they mistakenly sent retails at around $30, which means they probably buy it for somewhere between $10 and $20. Postage is about $10.50 each way. Surely you’d write the toaster off and send out the correct product?
2. At the very least, I would have expected them to send out the correct toaster immediately, rather than waiting for me to return the incorrect one. Yes, I can see that that puts them “at risk” of me not returning the incorrect toaster – but see my previous point for my feelings on that particular matter.

I wrote them a reply to this effect, and thus far have not received another response. Neither have we received the correct toaster yet. We are underimpressed! And our bread is undercooked! Billy Guyatts, you’ve got some learning to do!

PS: Happy Anniversary, wife!

We came home from Kingscliff to the very unpleasant realisation that our house was infested with fleas. Yuk. Even thinking about it makes the skin on my legs start to itch. Mom and Dad had warned us that they found the dogs covered in fleas (for the first time in their lives!) after taking them back off our hands, and so clearly the blame is on us; though I don’t know what we did wrong – we followed their regular routine to the letter!

At first, the problem at our house seemed to be localised to the laundry, though we found a few in the playroom not far from the laundry door, which meant they were migrating. Worse, the playroom floor is carpeted (as opposed to tiles in the laundry), which makes them harder to get rid of (as they burrow down into the carpet to lay their eggs). We set a couple of Mortein Flea Bombs off in the playroom which certainly seemed to help the problem, but the fleas were still hanging around (loads of them outside), and worse still, seemed to be migrating upstairs!

As luck would have it though, we were due for our annual pest control treatment, so we called our friendly Pest Control company, and had Anthony come out to spray both inside and outside the house. Apparently, to have maximum effect, we now need to stomp around every room of the house for the next three weeks, which will encourage the fleas to come out of hiding and for the eggs to hatch! The residual effect of the spray will then kill off any fleas that hit the floor. Suckers!

Of all the pointless creatures in the world, fleas have now taken my number one spot for most hated. I can’t wait for this whole episode to be behind us!

Lots of people seem to have fond memories of the vaporizer running when they were sick as a kid. For some reason, that’s not my memory – in fact quite the opposite, for some reason I seem to remember hating the vaporizer being on. I’m not sure why this is; if I were to guess, I suspect that like so many of my opinions as a kid, this was actually my brother’s opinion of the vaporizer, and I was merely mirroring how he felt about it.

Anyway – some twenty (or so… *cough*) years later, I’m even more surprised that I could have ever disliked the vaporizer. They’re so good! And that eucalyptus serum (which judging by its price must be made on lion’s tears or something) smells so refreshing! Little Moo certainly had his fair share of clogged sinuses this year, and so we bought him his very first vaporizer near the start of winter. As it turns out, there’s not much choice when it comes to vaporizers, and there’s even less choice when you want something that day from Stafford City Shopping Centre. And so, we became the proud owners a very trending looking Vicks V188.

Trendy looking though it might be, what you’re actually looking at here is one of the worst designed products that you could have in your home. As a vaporizer, it seems to do the job – once it’s been running for a little while, Oscar’s room gets as humid as a Finnish sauna. But in terms of practicality, it’s a total failure. Lets take a look at how it looks when it’s not sitting together all smugly like in the photo above:

There’s two major design flaws that you can see here. Well, maybe you don’t see them, but now that you’ve read my rant this far, I feel it’s my job to point them out to you. Both of my gripes are to do with the big hole in the middle of the base unit where the boiler gets inserted.

Firstly, notice that there high sides around each part of the boiler insertion hole thing. These sides are hollow, which means it is nearly impossible to tip any remaining water out of the base unit when cleaning it. It is ludicrously frustrating! You end up having to shake it up and down like a maraca trying to coerce the water to jump into the middle and thus out of the hole. But try as you might, that water ain’t goin’ nowhere; there’s only one way to get it out, and that’s by mopping it up with a sponge.

And, that brings me on to complaint number two. Notice how the edge of the hole has a plastic lip around it to hold the boiler in place? It’s ridiculously sharp! Putting your hand down there to mop up the water you inevitably couldn’t shake out nearly guarantees that you’ll be drawing blood. OK, perhaps it’s not quite that sharp, but it’s certainly not a walk in the park for my delicate, soft skin. You’d be surprised at how little resilience you build up from typing on a keyboard all day.

And so, would I buy this vaporizer again? Definitely, if I was starved for choice as I was the first time. But otherwise – no, and I also wouldn’t recommend it, unless you’re a total sucker for punishment.

Sorry Vicks, it’s a total design failure!

Dusseldorf is covered in a blanket of snow, and the whole airport is closed!

Kristy and I lugged our bags out to the airport, stood in line for two hours, then got rebooked on the 7 A.M. flight tomorrow morning. But, if the snow keeps falling like it has been for the last 8 (or more) hours, then I don’t like our chances… Even getting back to John’s house from the airport was a mission – the roads are closed now, too!

Worst of all, we have travel insurance, but their cover for this type of situation is absolute sh*t! We get €25 each, for every 12 hours that we’re delayed – so in total, we should get €50. That will really help us pay for the €99 extra accommodation charges we’ve incurred, not to mention the extra meals we have to buy, as well as the transportation costs to and from the airport. It’s just so frustrating!

No matter how hard I try to avoid it, it seems as though I always end up getting the 08:22 train from Putney to Waterloo (though I bail after two stops, at Clapham Junction) in the mornings. I strongly dislike this train! It’s always super-duper crowded, mainly because of the huge time lag between it and the train before it (08:13).

Getting on and off is a nightmare – you can’t really move of your own accord, but instead you just have to accept where the crowd is going to carry you. I remember one time being jammed in there so tight, that I could feel six different people touching me. Eeewww!

This morning was no exception – both Kristy and I were on the train of death, and it was just as crowded as ever. We got about half-way to Wandsworth Town station, then the train stopped.

Nothing happened.

After about five minutes, the guard came on and said, “Sorry for the slight delay passengers, we’re being held here because a passenger has been taken ill on a train ahead of us. We should be moving shortly.” A likely story! I’ve fallen for those promises before!

I was jammed between a guy who needed a shave and the door – though not quite as bad as Kristy, who was only inches away from a Chinese hair flicker! Predictably, the five minutes soon turned to 10, which then turned to 20… and finally, 26 uncomfortable minutes later (yes, I was timing!) the guard came on the speaker again.

“Sorry again for this slight delay passengers, but we should be moving shortly. If you have any questions, please feel free to come down and see me – I’m in the middle carriage of the train.”

Now I have two problems with this statement:

1. 26 minutes in a sardine can does not constitute a “slight” delay!
2. How on earth did he expect anyone to just breeze down the train for a visit? No-one could move!

Just once, when a train stops unexpectedly, I’d love to hear the guard come on within one minute, and just be honest! “Sorry for the delay passengers, we’re being held at a red signal, but I’m not sure why, or how much longer we’ll be here for. I’ll try to get an update from the dispatcher, and get back to you shortly.”

Would that be so hard?! Grrrr!!

I had a bit of a run in with one of the BA’s at work today. He had an issue with an e-mail that I sent to an external client that I’m working with – which, for the record, was perfectly acceptable. I, however, have an issue with him being a seagull manager, and my response to his criticism was to tell him that from now on I will cease all correspondance with said client, and exlusively let him deal with them instead.

It would seem as though my e-mail ruffled some feathers, as he promptly came over to confront me about it. What worked me up the most was not his approach to the problem, not the fact that he misinterprets all of my e-mails, and not that he had no grasp on the underlying issues which were making me so frustrated. No, what really gets my goat is that after working “with” me for over six months, he still can’t pronounce my name properly.

Worst of all, he’s not alone; most English (as in “from England”, not “English speaking”) people seem to get it wrong, with very few exceptions. Almost every pom pronounces my name as either “JEH-raared”, or “jeh-RAAR-ed”. Both wrong! (Forgive my attempt at phonetics here!)

So for ther record, here it is: the way I wish people would say my name. I figure there’s two acceptable options:

• Americans/Canadians can say, “JEH-red” as it puts more emphasis on the “R” sound, which is what the yanks tend to do by default. Rest assured Cookes, you’re right on the money.
• All other English speaking countries should say it more like “jeh-red”, with equal empahsis on each syllable. Countries that do not have English as their native tongue should also attempt this pronounciation, as non-English accents are 100% acceptable (in fact, my name sounds best in French or Spanish!).

So is it really that hard? I don’t think so; the folks at the UN, with all the accent variations in the world, did a bang-up job compared to the brits. My only theory is that they think I have the same name as the infamous Steven Gerrard, which I most certainly do not.

Still, it’s all about perspective; old mate BA might pronouce my name incorrectly, but at least he doesn’t call me “Darren” like my yoga teacher does.

Good: Young Racey McRace was in town last night, so we jumped at the chance to meet her for dinner. She was keen to go back to an Italian place near London Bridge, which was called something like “Giovanni’s Wine Cellar”. It was pretty good, actually – fairly authentic tasting food, Italian waitresses who were a bit rusty on their English, and an awesome red wine which was number 26 on the menu, yet was called “29″ on the label.

Of course the food and wine wasn’t really the drawcard; we were there to see Stace, and it was wonderful to catch up with her. I was amazed at how quickly 7:30 PM became 10:30 PM!

Bad: I wasn’t tired when we got home, so after tucking in the wife, I sat on the couch for a little Resistance 2 online co-op action. To my dismay, the PS3 wouldn’t read the game disc!

*gasp*!

This had also happened on the weekend with the blu-ray version of Hancock; at the time I had thought it was the movie that was playing up, but it seems it’s all blu-ray discs.

Worse: Inconveniently, the PS3′s crappy 1 year warranty has expired, so now it looks like I’ll have to pay to get it fixed! Unimpressed! And as a final kick in the you-know-what’s, a shiny new game arrived for me at work yesterday, and now it looks like I won’t be able to try it for at least (insert average time to fix the PS3 console here)! Sad for me!

Worst of all: Now that I’ll be losing my precious PS3 for a while, I figure that I’ll be stuck with a bunch of free time, just as the weather has turned awful and bright and sunny! What on earth am I going to do with myself?!

Kristy recently pointed out to me a website which calls for people’s opinions about overcrowding on overground rail routes. Having now been an overground commuter for a number of months, I felt I was in a good position to share my experiences with them.

Here’s a copy of the e-mail I submitted. Continue reading →

How long do you think is reasonable to get from Chiswick to Putney, on public transport? There’s loads of options available – train, tube, and buses – so you’d think not more than half an hour, right?

Nope. Last night it took me over and hour-and-a-half! I could have walked it quicker than that. It was as if TFL was conspiring to keep me from getting home.

First I got to the overland station only to find that the next train was delayed, and after 10 minutes, the train after was cancelled. Some signaling problem further down the line was causing trains to be diverted.

So on to the E3 (bus) I hopped after wasting almost half an hour waiting. It took me to Turnham Green, where I waited only 5 minutes for a tube. Things were looking up when I got to Earl’s Court – the train I needed to transfer on to was waiting in the station!

Unfortunately, when we got to Fulham Broadway, the driver announced, “attention passengers, I have no idea where this train is going, I’ll give you an update at the next station”. Uh-oh. We got to Parson’s Green and he announced, “sorry passengers, this train will terminate here, all change please”. And out on the platform we were told that “no trains are going through to Wimbledon, try taking a bus”.

I gave up by that point and walked home – a little over 2km according to google. Thank goodness for GPS.

You’d be surprised just how cheery I was when I finally got in!

I recently ordered a Logitech Harmony 555 remote from PIXmania (through their Amazon storefront). Unfortunately, due to their (very) shoddy packaging, the remote arrived totally smashed.

Their resolution? First, I had to photograph the remote to demonstrate the damage. Then, I was supposed to lodge a compaint with Parcel Force (the company that delivered the remote). Next, I had to send the remote back to them. Finally, once they receive the remote, they will begin an investigation, which takes up to 20 days!

Talk about inadequte customer service. Below is the (latest) e-mail that I have sent back to PIXmania.

I am greatly unhappy with the course of resolution that has been undertaken for this matter. The item was inadequately packaged by PIXmania, and due (at least in part) to this inadequate packaging, the product arrived broken.

While you may wish to debate with Parcelforce whether the mistake which damaged the product was made by PIXmania or Parcelforce, I can assure you that the mistake was not mine. And yet, I am the only party who suffers.

It is unacceptable that I should have to wait until 29 February for an investigation to be resolved. I expected to be enjoying the product as of the weekend just gone (9th February, 2008), and a delay of at least 20 more days is unacceptable. Inote also that that date reflects the end of the investigation and NOT when it will be resolved to my satisfaction.

Surely my business and customer satisfaction is worth more to you than maximum of £40 pounds which you would be out of pocket, should you have sent an immediate replacement to me? Please also remember that I could have bought this product in a store, but instead I chose PIXmania based on the convenience I believed I was being offered.

Based on the service I have received since making this complaint, I would be reluctant to recommend your company to myfriends.

Please escalate this complaint to your head of customer service. I cannot believe that this is the best resolution that you can offer me.

You may wonder why I bothered including this on the web; well, it’s in the hope that after the Google robot has had a chance to parse this article, anyone who searches for “PIXMania review” will be offered an account of my experience.

It’s called “revenge”: geek style.